if you like me you must not know who I am
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
