so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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