His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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