i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
