Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
