I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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