I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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