Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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