She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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