She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
