at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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