Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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