He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
