I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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