We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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