She said her name was "party"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
