We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
