My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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