I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
