Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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