Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
