If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My feet surprised me
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