i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
