Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
