Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
