I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i came on her dog
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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