dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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