youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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