you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
