yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
