Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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