are you still at the devil's house?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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