i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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