Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am spending my child support on dildos
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize