but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize