I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sex in the backyard? Check.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
