Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
