god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
