Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
