Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dicks are not precious.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
