Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize