No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
