I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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