I have demons in me.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
