she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
