WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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