I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
