the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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