I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
