Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
