Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
