you traded sex for a burrito?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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