ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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