I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
