thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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