Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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