Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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