sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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