Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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