Jerry, you need to find god
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.