You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
